Quotables

I was having a really hard time last night with life in general. Huge college loan debt, a spoiled, whiny, self-obsessed brother, and what felt like a bad eating day really had me down.
Then, I opened my birthday card from my dad. And somehow, it was exactly the words I needed to make me start feeling better. So I shall reflect upon a few things that helped me.

"How to make A Beautiful Life"

"Love yourself.
Make peace with who you are
and where you are
at this moment in time."

This echoed heavily what I had just talked about with my mother a few minutes before. She said, "Take one day at a time. That's the best you can do." I'm so overwhelmed when I look into the future. There are so many questions I have. "Will I make it? HOW will I make it? What about when I want kids? What if I'm in too much debt to...have babies, go on vacations, pay my bills, pay for a house, go grocery shopping, etc.?"
And I knew if I had any of these issues in the future, I would blame myself. However, it's not really my fault. I'm a college student and this happens to everyone. The only way to move beyond these fears is to embrace myself, love myself, and move along with that.

"Listen to your heart.
If you can't hear what it's saying
in this noisy world,
MAKE TIME for yourself.
Enjoy your own company.
Let your mind wander among the stars."

Too often, I focus on everyone else in my life. While it's good to not be selfish, sometimes I forget about myself completely. Some days, it might be okay to be a little selfish. Often, I feel bad for things I couldn't really control anyway. For example, last night as I was going over loan papers with my dad, I felt miserable. I thought, "How could I be making my father go through all of this just to help me get a college education?" I voiced my thoughts, and he looked at me. "You have nothing to feel bad about. You're doing bigger and better things, and we'll all make it through happier on the other side."
Sometimes, it takes just a little time to yourself in order to gather your thoughts, meditate, etc. If you don't have yourself together, how are you going to help others in your life?

"Try.
Take chances.
Make MISTAKES.
Life can be messy
and confusing at times,
but it's also full of surprises.
The next rock in your path
might be a stepping-stone."

Too often, I find myself avoiding situations out of fear of making a mistake or something going wrong. It's because I'm terribly afraid of failure. However, without mistakes, we cannot learn. And we cannot possibly learn how to pick ourselves up again.
Indeed life can be messy and confusing, but those surprises do sneak up around the corner. Like when your room accidentally gets a little out of control? You know how it goes: clothes are flung everywhere, and you're searching for any bare piece of floor to use as a stepping stone. However confusing and messy it may be to find something in the piles, all of a sudden, you pick up a pair of pants to wear. Ooops, you forgot to wash them after you wore them last week...for the 8th time. Oh well. You put them on and reach into the pockets to find...a $10 bill? Surprise! You didn't even remember that was in there. (I guess it might have been a good thing you didn't wash those. Or the $10 might have slipped out inside the washer and been torn to shreds.)

"Be happy.
When you don't have what you want,
want what you have.
MAKE DO.
That's a well-kept secret of contentment."

I'd like to think I'm all right at this one. However, I think everyone can use improvement in this area. Too often, we take for granted the things we already have and get so focused on the things we want.
One outstanding example of someone who needs to learn this rule would be my sibling. He becomes obsessed with getting things he thinks he needs. However, he doesn't think it through logically very often. I have a PlayStation2. He does not. I brought mine home from college last summer, and he decided it'd be a good enough reason to get Guitar Hero. So...he bought it and did play it quite often all summer. Yet, come August 10th, the PS2 was gone, because I had gone off to college. So he was left with Guitar Hero and no system to play it.
I brought it home as often as I could, so he could play. But eventually he agreed I could take Guitar Hero with me as well. Then came Christmas break. I was still staying in the town where my college is over break, which meant the PS2 didn't come home. Yet, my brother asked for Guitar Hero 3 for Christmas from my mom. Wait, don't you need a gaming system still? What good are two versions of Guitar Hero if you don't have the means to play it?
He didn't get it for Christmas. And he threw a fit. He began saying, "MOM! You didn't get me Guitar Hero, and I told all my friends I was going to get it! How am I going to look now?"
He was so focused upon getting the game and gaining popularity from it that he didn't even realize what he was saying was ridiculous.
He needed to be happy with the things he had and take a step back from the situation to think logically.

"There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.
You have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY.
To know where you're going
is only part of it.
You need to know where you've been, too.
And if you ever get lost, don't worry.
The people who love you will find you.
Count on it."

There isn't much I can say about this one that would do it justice. It's so perfect and encompassing of the things I need to hear. It was a way for me to know I will always have someone here for me, despite all the bad things that happen in life. I just have to go through the motions of life doing the best I can and see what tomorrow brings.
Part of this quote applies quite well to my weight loss journey. I have to take that journey one day at a time. There isn't any jumping ahead when it comes to being healthy. All the diet pills and plastic surgeries in the world cannot lead me to a healthy lifestyle. They can help me to be thin or whatever, but if I exclusively use those things, I'll simply gain back the weight that I lost.
Also, in order to appreciate this journey, I need to always remember where I've been. That's part of why I'm writing this journal. Because I want to remember what it was like to be the fat girl. I want to remember all the work I did, the good times and the bad, because it will all lead up to the ultimate goal: a more beautiful, healthier me. Inside and out.

"Life isn't days and years.
It's waht you do with time
and with all the goodness and grace
that's inside you.
MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE...
The kind of life you deserve."

Perfect.