11,577,600 seconds

What can you do in around 4 1/2 months? That's 19 weeks. 134 days. 3,216 hours. 192,960 minutes. 11,577,600 seconds.

If you had asked me this question on July 14th, I never would have imagined what this amount of time would do for my life. After all, I was nothing but "the fat girl" who sat on the couch imagining of not being afraid to wear a swimming suit. Hoping to go out shopping and not realize she was up another jean size. Wishing she could get herself out of bed long enough to pull on a pair of tennis shoes and just run. Wanting to get married someday in a gorgeous wedding dress and not be self-conscious. Craving to set good examples for her future children. Imagine, imagine, imagine. Dream, dream, dream.
But what hope did I have? None of this ever seemed like it could be a reality.
I was still "the fat girl." And until that's you, you won't understand what that means. It means being angry at yourself during a trip to Mexico. It means being ashamed around your friends while trying on clothes. It means being self-conscious when you have second helpings of dinner when everyone else only has one. For me, it was confusion, anger, depression, wondering, frustration, disgust, and a million other hurtful words. I could not look in a mirror.
I had broken the horrible barrier of just being overweight. According to the BMI, I was 34.2. Seeing as anywhere past 30 was considered obese, I felt there was little hope for me.

I couldn't find any reason to love myself. People say weight loss isn't a complete answer to feeling better about yourself; there are often other underlying mental problems and self-esteem issues that need to be addressed. But part of loving myself was being the best I could be.
And sitting on that couch or lying in bed all day was certainly NOT the best I could be. I knew I could do something. I knew I could make a new life for myself before it got even harder.

So one day, I said the fateful words: "I'm done."
And I know what you're thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've heard it before from other dieters. We've said that before. Just because you decide you're done doesn't mean it will happen.

But you know what? I started my new life that day, and I never looked back.

I won't tell you it's been easy. Goodness, I spent the better part of October and November struggling to keep up with this program.
But I'm not giving up. That was always my problem. I was never able to commit myself fully. I would come to a roadblock, turn to the bag of chips, and that was the end.
Now if I make a mistake, so what? We all mess up. Often. But there is no excuse for giving up. There is no excuse for saying, "I can't," if you've never tried before.

So I quit saying those words. And since that day, I've lost over 38 pounds. I am down to a 27.2 on the BMI. I'm still 12 pounds overweight, but what is that when compared to 51 pounds overweight? I'll get those 12 pounds off, and I'll be able to say I am at a normal weight for the first time in many years.
Only 19 pounds left until I complete my biggest goal. On July 14th, 2008, I set forward to lose 57 pounds by February 2nd, 2009. And who knows if I'll hit that goal by that exact date? I can tell you one thing: I'll be damn close.
And I have a lot to be proud of already. Enough that it'll motivate me to push through the hardest days (like Thanksgiving, hehe.) Because I can look in a mirror again. I can enjoy shopping again. I can eat around others and not worry so much. So many doors have been opened, all because I made this life-changing committment.

I never thought I'd do this. Before July 14th, if you had told me I'd lose nearly 40 pounds in my lifetime, I'd have given you a funny look.

And if you had told me I could do it in 4 1/2 months or 19 weeks or 134 days or 3,216 hours or 92,960 minutes or 11,577,600 seconds?
That's just downright insane.

Or is it?

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
--Henry David Thoreau