i find hope

I have had sneaking suspicions for a good portion of my life that I might have something wacky with my blood sugar. Always. But I sweep it under the rug, because health problems mean doctors. Doctors mean needles. I'm terrified of both doctors and needles. Cannot handle them.

So...brings us to current days. I got a job with a wonderful lady. I am a personal care assistant for her, as she is quadriplegic. One day back in probably November, I was on my monthly weekend shift. It was a Sunday, so I had already worked many hours in the past couple of days. I was so out of it, because I hadn't been eating often, nor had I been getting much sleep. And I was feeling AWFUL. My employer asked about it, and I told her I often get shaky and just trip out when I don't get enough food/sleep.

She said one of the other employees also had blood sugar problems (hypoglycemia, I'm assuming) and started on medication as well as changed her diet a bit. After taking the medication and changing her lifestyle, the woman ended up being able to completely go off the meds because she was feeling so wonderful. My employer suggested I get my blood sugar tested; I blew it off. Remember the fear? Yeah.

Lately, I've been thinking about it, and the other day, I decided to do some reading on the symptoms. I took an online test as well as a book test to see if my symptoms linked up. Both concluded that I'm highly likely to be experiencing some of the symptoms of hypoglycemia. Here's the online test's results:

If you can't read that, it says any score above 20 is considered to be at risk. My score was a 99. Ideal percentage for low risk is 0. Mine was 75%.

Now, I know I cannot let silly online things generate a diagnosis for me, but...things just make sense. I showed the results to my fiance, and he couldn't believe the things it was saying: the mood swings, the outbursts, the tiredness, the anxiety/depression/panicking. The cold hands, the dizziness, the nausea, the headaches, the backaches. I had always told him it was all stress, just stress. And I never believed it.

I talked to my mom who said she gets hypoglycemic all the time. [Wish I had known that before, ma! ;) ]My grandfather has diabetes. I certainly don't think I'm to that point yet, but it could happen. I'd rather prevent it now. I've already done a lot of prevention by losing weight, and I'm hoping the more I lose, the more it helps. We'll see. My issues haven't gotten better compared to how they were before I lost 40 pounds. Who knows. Maybe it'll be once I'm in an actual healthy weight range. (8 lbs to go!)

I'm not ready to get tested. After all this, I still can't get myself to go get the torturous glucogen test. I'm going to work really hard to regulate my diet. Eating every few hours is something I NEED to do. And now I know I have a reason. I have to watch the sugary foods I'm eating. I have to eat complex carbs. All of the things people really should be doing in the first place. But now I feel like my sanity and health depend on it.

I want so badly to feel better soon. However, I feel better knowing I am not making this up: there may be some explanation for the way I constantly feel.

Finally, there's hope. I might not feel this way forever. And that'd be lovely.