prevention

What is preventing me from achieving more? I'm struggling again.
Mind you, I've been maintaining my weight. But I've been maintaining it since December. Do you know how frustrating that is for me? I mean, I SO want to put in the effort. I crave for that awesome feeling I get when I see I've dropped another pound. But right now, the (un)magic number seems to be 144. I'm stuck there.

School is so disgustingly overwhelming right now. And my social life is lacking. So most days, it takes effort to even get myself out of bed. I go to class, come home, do mounds of homework, and then all I can do is lay in bed and snooze while "Will & Grace" is on. That's it. I cannot even keep my eyelids open anymore.

I guess one of my biggest frustrations right now is that I was really excited to be on spring break. I thought I could spend the time jumpstarting my metabolism through strength training, and then I thought I'd do tons of cardio, too. Well, that would have been great, but I am sick with some kind of ishy cold. Have been since Monday, and it is showing very little sign of slowing down. I can't even sleep that well, so I'm exhausted with a stuffy nose and sore throat.

You know what? I'm not letting that get me down. Saturday, we're going to pick up the little treadmill at my dad's house. It's not much, but it's something. I plan on doing something to motivate myself to do more running on there. Like...I was thinking of tackling my "movies I want to watch" list. And that would be a perfect thing to do with the treadmill. Even if I find time for a half hour on it every day, that'll be good amounts of time to get some movie/running time into my schedule.

And Jordan really wants to start losing weight again, too. He is finally realizing he needs a lifestyle change. He got lucky and dropped a ton of weight as soon as we began living and eating together, because his diet did change a lot just from that. However, now it's not coming off automatically, and that frustrates him. I'm proud of him for being excited to lose more weight, not because I think he needs to for his looks. No, I just want him to be healthy. I want him around for a long time.

When I look at my future, I don't want to end up getting sick, having a heart attack, getting full-blown diabetes, etc. all because of something I could have changed. I don't want to have to tell people I have a disease that is my own fault. I always imagine...what if my last breath occurred when I was 35? I wouldn't want to be seeing friends and family sad because of something I brought upon myself. That's not okay.

And I have to keep reminding myself: now is the time to change. It'll be so much harder if I put it off for years, because metabolism slows down as you age. I want to be healthy for my wedding, the birth of my children, and as they age. I want them to have a mom who encourages them to be healthy and models positive healthy behavior. I don't want them to have to deal with the same issues I have.

So...after this long, rambly rant, I can honestly say I'm getting ready to start again. Summer is approaching quickly, and I want to walk outside confidently in shorts. I want to not be ashamed in a swimsuit. (Okay, well I might always be a little bit...it is a swimsuit after all. I'll be less ashamed though, lol.) I want to live my summer not afraid to go outside. Hell, I've already dropped 43 pounds since last summer. That's incredible. And I cannot wait to lose more, so I can walk outside and have people say, "Look at you!"

Because I'll get to say, "Yep, look at me." And maybe I'll mean it for once.

Note: I have to say thanks to my friend, Jessica, for motivating me to really start thinking about weight loss again. It's time. And I'm very proud of her for making the choice to start her weight loss journey. I know if she sticks with it, she will have so many successes. If you want, you can check out her blog in my links section. It's called, "Fruit and Veggie Tales." :)